A matter of confidence and ability.

I was approached today by the tutor in Gorseinon who is responsible for medical applications. She let me know about a "taster-day" that is being held in Cardiff Medical School next month, for which I am grateful to her. She also told me about the lecture in the Royal Society of Medicine in March, which I am DEFINITELY going to. She asked me about work-experience, and if I have any lined-up as well.
I was ALSO approached today by the lecturer who is in charge of Oxbridge applications. She talked to me about which colleges appeal to me, and why. She also asked what subjects I'll be carrying on with for my A-levels next year.

I just have the one question;
Why is everyone so sure I'm cut-out for great things, when I struggle to wipe my own nose without poking my eyes out?

I just don't see it.
Of course, the academic posturing, the social status, and the sheer respect that would come with doing a medical course, or attending Oxbrige (let alone doing the former in the latter...) appeals to me. HUGELY.
But...
I just don't see myself getting there. The amount of competition for spaces is RIDICULOUS. After Veterinary Medicine, Medicine is the most competitive university course. After frittering away my GCSE grades with my stupid, over-confident, lackadaisical attitude, I really want to do well in my AS- and A-levels. I sort of HAVE to in order to get anywhere, but we'll leave that for now.
I want to please. That's all I want is to please, and to make happy. I want to prove to those that have faith in me that it isn't misplaced, even though I'm quite certain it is.

My problems are laziness, and a lack of self-belief.
The former I have already begun to combat by doing work in advance, revising what has been done in lectures, and researching things in more detail than is strictly required.
The latter, on the other hand, is proving beyond my abilities to alter. I just hope that by doing more work, I'll feel more confident in what I know, which will lead to me having more confidence in myself.

Ah well. Now I've said that, time to move on.
The plans...
i. My first plan is what anyone with half a brain would plan to do. It entails getting the grades I need at AS, then applying to the four allowed choices for medicine, with music as my (backup) fifth choice. Then, I need to be accepted by any of those medical schools, and get the grades stated in my offer.
Obviously, that's what would happen in an ideal world.

However, as this world is far removed from the ideal, my other plan is as follows;

ii. Get the grades I need at AS. Apply to the four allowed choices (with music as a backup, again). GET REJECTED.
I would then take a year out (what might be called a year 14). During this year, I would do the following;
a. Practice the organ. This is in the hope that I might get accepted for an organ scholarship to Oxbridge. The REMOTE hope and chance, but a hope and a chance nonetheless.
b. Attempt to get work on the NHS. I'm going to do this anyway, but it would be ESPECIALLY important if I had to take this year out.
c. Having joined the TA (which I AM going to do...), train as a medic. Just first aid and the like, but it's all experience. Also... I might try to get mobilised. However, this is something I'm going to have to discuss with Abi before I even think about it any further, so I'll forget that for now.
Also, as a TA member, I'm going to try to get a HGV and a PCV licence. Just because they'd be pretty cool to have.

After doing these things, I would apply again for medicine after the year, and I would hopefully get accepted, as the extra experience should count rather a great deal in my favour.

Anyway, this has been an INCREDIBLY boring blog for you so far, and you have my sincerest apologies.
I'll write something less self-centered now.

Until last week, I had no idea what a comic genius Spike Milligan was. I would THOROUGHLY reccomend everyone read his six-part trilogy (the irony is intentional...) of war-memoirs, as they give an insight into the formation of one of the greatest sources of cynical comedy EVER.
Anyone looking for a pick-me-up needs to watch The Producers. Preferably the 2006 remake. The original is fabulous, but the newer version is absolutely STUNNING. I suppose it illustrates my temperament though. Any musical comedy, ranging from the delights of Mozart's Magic Flute, to Mel Brooks' The Producers, and I'm there, raring to watch it. Make it something heavier, like Wagner's Die Walkyrie, or Les Miserables, and I'll still APPRECIATE them, but I won't ENJOY them as much. Maybe it proves I'm frivolous? I don't know... What I DO know is that I appreciate a damn good comedy, with some awe-inspiring music, to some intricately woven, kaleidoscopic epic, which is, in a word, DULL.
Listen to Brad Paisley. Don't question. Just do it.

Well, to finish, I'll just say that I hope everything's alright with everyone, and that you're all having a good week so far.

End.