Leaving.

Well... It's what I WANT to do. But, loathe as I am to say it, I can't. I'm still ENTIRELY dependent on my parents. If I left, and cut all ties, I'd have to bum off the State, and I HATE the thought of doing that.
I want to just... Get away. I'd settle for a boarding school, to be honest.
I feel as if I can never be me whilst toiling under the yoke of guilt bestowed upon me by my parents. Always so keen to point out when they make an effort for me (which, to be fair, is frequently), they seem to ignore things I do for them.
They can't even tell when they're actually really hurting me.
I don't have a real outlet. This blog's ok... Abi's amazing. But I can't convey how I feel. I try. I try so hard that, sometimes, I feel as if I've finally managed to at least bring MYSELF to terms with it, but to no avail.

I NEED TO LEAVE.
But there are things and people I don't want to leave.
Pets. Loved ones.
And truth be told, I don't want to end up an uneducated moron, sitting on the scrapheap of life.

Maybe going abroad for a few months would work. Voluntary work.
I told Ab about this earlier.
I've been looking into working in an orphanage in Cambodia.
It's a way to get the hell away from things I want to escape, and a hell of a good thing to put on a CV.
Plus I'd be making a huge difference.
Only problem is, I need about £5,500 to go for four months.
Anyone got a piggybank I can raid, by any chance?



On a completely disparate topic, I'd just like to thank Frau Hammett for a delicious casserole, Herr Hammett for some light-relief, and Fraulein Hammett Junior for... Well. Being Fraulein Hammett Junior.
And for making me feel like the most amazing guy alive.
I love you, FHJ.

End.