A boiling pot. A seething mass. A red mist.

Temper.
Anger.
Rage.

Most people can get irritated quite easily, to varying degrees. For instance, whilst one person might find a third party's tuneless whistling to be nothing of any matter, another person might ask them to stop. If this person were sufficiently annoyed, they might ask harshly.
Another example is people's reactions when they are, for instance, hit accidentally by balls whilst walking across a busy schoolyard. One person might shrug it off, and pass the ball back to the culprit, whilst another might shout at them.

I, however, go further than this.
Much, much further.

I wouldn't say that an ACTUAL red mist descends across my vision, but it IS true to say that I generally seethe inside, unually quietly, but that occassionally I boil over.
The consequences are frightening.
I have hospitalised with broken bones at least five people who have annoyed me - true, they had either physically injured me, or attempted to, but I still overreacted. Having heard the mantra "turn the other cheek, and just walk away" since I was a mere babe-in-arms, I should adhere to it.
But I don't. At all.

I get angry at the pettiest of things:-
Blown lightbulbs.
Out-of-tune musical instruments.
Marks on my glasses.
Self-aggrandisers,
Bad drivers.
People who write with pens in books.

I also get angry at things which I should listen to, and usually just accept, namely criticisms of myself.

My temper is so bad that my parents now refuse to take me to practice my driving.
They're actually scared of what might happen if I got angry.

And to be honest, so am I.
It's actually quite depressing. I WANT to change. I'd do ANYTHING.
But nothing I try helps.
Breathing slowly? Pffft...
Counting to ten? I get lost after six.
Clenching and unclenching my hands repeatedly? Just gets me worked up.

I'm angry (irony much?) that I'm not allowed to drive, yes...
But I'm more worried than anything else.

I don't want to hurt anyone.
Least of all those I love.
But the potential is there. And it scares me.

Anyway.
On a lighter note, I command you all to buy two things, a.s.a.p. :-
i. The book "Musicophilia : Tales of Music and the Brain", by Olive Sacks. It's a wonderfully written study of some people's musical obsessions, and the effects (and affects) that music can have on people. Informative, occasionally funny, and definitely well-written, it's a book for everyone to read, THAT everyone SHOULD read.
ii. The CD "The Art of Motion", by Andy McKee. A stunning guitarist, and an amazing composer to boot, this CD is one of the best of the modern bunch of acoustic-guitarists available.

I've more or less had it decided for me that I'm not going for an organ scholarship.
I don't know whether I'll LISTEN to the decrees or not... But I know what familial opinion is.
I also know that mine differs.
WILDLY.

Anyhow, I hope you're all keeping well, and that you enjoyed your half-term, whatever you did.

COUNTDOWN TO EXAM INITIATION BEGINS NOW - 87 DAYS TO GO.
Scary, no?

End.